i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
