Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
