this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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