I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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