I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize