70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
