i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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