Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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