dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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