My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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