So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
