I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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