I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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