Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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