Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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