I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize