I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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