he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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