i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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