wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
