I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
