Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
