***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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