the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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