She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
