i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
