Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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