My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it's like iHOP with fire
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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