mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
