At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
