and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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