Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
NoShamevember. You game?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize