I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Mom said you looked used
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
