the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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