My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
