What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i believe in u and ur pee
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
