So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
