halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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