I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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