Life is so much better after having sex.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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