Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
