Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
