My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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