i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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