I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
