I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
