They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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