cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No I am not eating basil off your cock
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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