She said her name was "party"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
