Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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