Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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