he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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