fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
