I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
