I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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