Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
