I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
