I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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