It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
