I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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