she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
