If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
