you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
