Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
