If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
