I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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