I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
