Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
