so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
