he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
