if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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