Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
