my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize