i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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