his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize