I think I died a long time ago.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
