found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
