I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
