Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
