Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
