He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
