Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
