I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
