The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
