just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
