literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize