Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
