Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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