Less talking, more tequila
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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