Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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