You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he puts the penis in happiness.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
