Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
